Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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