best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
