I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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