I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
