i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
