He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
