this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
