I think my fart just growled at me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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