I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
