Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
