Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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