So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize