I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
