Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
