Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
