Your tits are I can't wait for
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
