the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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