If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
