i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
