Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The power of my boobs compel you
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize