Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
