walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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