I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
