you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
