please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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