All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
