If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
