I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
