Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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