His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
