If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
