Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
