well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't make out with my wife yet
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
