Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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