If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
