dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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