Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
