I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
