I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
