all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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