Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
