Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
