I want to make a zoo with you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
