There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
