I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
