dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
