Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
