she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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