: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
