yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
