It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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