His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
