Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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