when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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