Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
