its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
