sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
