Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
