can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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