I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
