I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
