Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
