I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
