I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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