Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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