remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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