i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
